What do you love about being on the board, and what are your hopes for Rainbow Families in the coming year?
I love being part of the Rainbow Families board because I get to collaborate with passionate people and help create meaningful change for LGBTQ+ families across Australia. It's incredibly rewarding to see the positive impact our work has on the lives of families like mine. My hope for the coming year is that we can expand our reach even further, especially in providing support to rainbow families in more regional and remote areas. I’m also excited to see the growth of our educational programs and events that foster a sense of belonging and empowerment.
Tell us about your involvement in the Rainbow Families community. Are there any initiatives or projects you're particularly proud of?
I first became involved in 2015, the year my daughter was born, and for several years I organised social catch ups for families in Meanjin (Brisbane). For the last 6 years, I’ve led the advocacy work of Rainbow Families Queensland, I’ve co-chaired Rainbow Families Queensland since 2021, and then in 2023, I took up my current position on the board of Rainbow Families Australia. I’m most proud of some of the positive changes I’ve been able to achieve through our Queensland advocacy work – such as ensuring that birth certificates for our children properly recognise our parenting roles, regardless of who the birth parent is.
Can you tell us how you decided to start a family and the journey you took to get there, including the method you used (IVF, adoption, surrogacy, etc.)?
My wife Qingwen and I used IVF to conceive our daughter, Xinle, which was a long and emotionally charged process. We had to navigate not only the medical aspects but also legal considerations as a same-sex couple. Frustratingly, same-sex couples are still excluded from equitable Medicare access - this is the basis of a current RFA campaign I’m excited to be running for Rainbow Families Australia (RFA). Forming our family was a challenging but ultimately rewarding journey, and we were fortunate to have a supportive medical team, extended family and community around us.
In your experience, does the LGBTQ+ community face unique challenges when starting a family?
For LGBTQ+ families, there are additional legal, financial, and emotional hurdles that other couples might not face. These include dealing with discriminatory attitudes, and the costs associated with assisted reproductive technologies like IVF. There’s also the emotional toll of feeling like our family-building journey has to be explained or justified to others. Despite these challenges, there’s a growing sense of resilience and solidarity in the Rainbow Families community that makes the journey worthwhile.
What were the major hurdles you encountered in your journey to parenthood, and how did you overcome them?
While we got engaged well before Xinle was born, it was an 8-year period until marriage equality finally passed into law. Xinle was a feisty toddler hanging onto my leg during our wedding ceremony! As new parents we found ourselves navigating systems that weren’t designed for us – medical forms that were exclusionary, a birth certificate that was wrongly issued with Qingwen as father, and then as ‘parent’ (although she is her mother), a passport form that made us cross off ‘father’ and write ‘mother’, an antenatal class that kept referring to ‘dads’ and the importance of fathers in children’s lives, and a Census form that made us randomly allocate Xinle a mum and a dad. Having a strong support network of other rainbow families made a huge difference, as we could share our stories and offer emotional support to one another.
Could you touch on the emotional and practical aspects of your journey to becoming a parent, including the process and the eventual outcome?
Emotionally, it was a rollercoaster. The uncertainty of IVF was one of the most difficult aspects, as each cycle came with its own set of hopes and disappointments. Practically, we had to coordinate multiple medical appointments, stab me with needles (sorry Qing!), and go through a devastating miscarriage which then led to my endometriosis diagnosis and ongoing medical complications. But the outcome—having our daughter, Xinle—was worth every challenge. She’s the light of our lives, and the experience strengthened the bond between Qingwen and me.
What has been the best part of becoming a parent, and how has it changed your life and perspective?
The best part of becoming a parent is seeing the world through my daughter’s eyes. It has taught me more patience, made me slow down (well, a bit), and she is my ongoing inspiration for advocating for a more inclusive world that will be even better for the next generation of kids in rainbow families.
What advice would you give to others in the LGBTQ+ community who are about to start their own families - what words of wisdom or encouragement would you share with them?
My advice is to surround yourself with a supportive community – if it isn't your biological family, find your chosen family. The journey to parenthood can be challenging, but having people who understand your experience can make a huge difference. Even if you’re the biggest introvert in the world, make sure you do make an effort to come to some rainbow families events and surround yourself with other families that look like yours – this greatly reduces the chance that your child will feel othered, ostracised or feel any shame about their different kind of family.
Don’t be afraid to seek professional advice, whether legal or medical, and learn to self-advocate. You’ll need to be ready to stand up for yourself and your family in medical settings, education settings and with service providers. If you aren’t sure what your rights are, reach out to Rainbow Families and make use of our knowledge and resources.
If your children are old enough to understand, how do they feel about being part of a rainbow family - if comfortable, could you share their perspectives?
Xinleis still quite young, but she’s very proud of her family. She’s grown up around other rainbow families, so for her, it’s normal and special. We are incredibly fortunate to have all four of her grandparents as strong and consistent supporters of our family, without question. While not biologically connected to one side of her family, she has a particularly strong bond with her uncle and grandparents who live in Singapore. She’s absolutely surrounded by love and support, and living in an inner-city, progressive area, we haven’t found she’s experienced any discrimination from her teachers or peers because of being a child with two mums.