Frankie has done an amazing job driving Seahorse playgroup in Canberra - Ngunnawal and Ngambri land, creating a warm and supportive community for LGBTQ+ families. We wanted to gather some of Frankie’s insights and inspiration to share with others who might be interested in starting a playgroup in their local area.

Check out our Q&A below and check out Seahorse Playgroup here if you are in the ACT.

They shared their family story last year, which you can read here if you missed it.

Can you give us a recap of your family situation including how old your little one is now?

My partner Aevi and I have a 1 ½ year old named Lou! We’re living on Ngunnawal and Ngambri land here in Canberra.

How are you managing with parenthood - highs and lows or mediums? Any observations?

I feel like parenthood has taken our quirks, strengths, and weaknesses and amplified them tenfold. I have always struggled when I’m tired; dealing with postnatal sleep deprivation sent me into pretty wild mental distress. I’ve always been creative; now I use that to work through parenting problems daily, to play with Lou, to find new ways of looking at the world. With Lou, I’m fun, steady, engaged, overwhelmed, kind, mawkish, emotional, enthusiastic, joyful, chaotic; that’s who I’ve always been, but now it’s more so and with higher stakes.

At the same time, parenthood has brought about immense personal growth. For example, before being a parent I genuinely hadn’t realised I struggle with regulating frustration. I thought I was this super calm, steady social work guy. Having Lou in our lives shines this stark light on everything we do; we’re modeling ‘how to be a human’ 24/7. When I get angry I want to show him that you can't control feelings but you get to choose how you respond to them. I want to show him how to pause, name the feeling, breathe through it, ground yourself, let it go, and make a plan for next time once we’re both calm. It’s a skill to regulate yourself, and you can’t teach skills you don’t have. I’ve learned more in the last 18 months than I have at any other stage of life.

Can you tell us about how you set up Seahorse Playgroup and what was your motivation?

I wanted buds! Queer buds! Ones who had babies! And I wanted a project that felt like something my old self would have done. I started Seahorse just after coming out of the hardest stage of postnatal mental illness.

I went about setting it up like I would any community project, that’s my actual job as it happens! I found a gap in the service landscape, contacted the organisations who might be interested in supporting me, programmed 6 months of activities and a routine run sheet for the sessions, found a free venue, put together promotional material and social media, and the word started getting out! I set up a registration for families and a group chat, then called everyone who registered to say hello and answer questions. A few months into the project we started applying for grants too. Once we got some finances together we booked all the outreach and in-reach that would otherwise have been beyond our budget (an illustrious $0). Big side note: I would not have been able to do this without my partner who was parenting Lou every single time I wrote an email, made a call, or ran an activity in the group. Thanks, Aevi 😀

What's been the best thing about it so far?

As someone who had a genuinely difficult early postnatal period, holding space for other people with very little babies is healing. If they’re struggling, I get to help them find support, listen to them, and validate them. If they’re flourishing, I get to see that up close and share it in a way I didn't for myself. Creating community helps me feel part of something. It helps bolster the other parts of my identity that exist outside of parenthood.

How do you come up with all your fabulous outing ideas?

I suppose I thought ‘what do I want to do?’ and then went about booking it! I wanted a mix of things that are good for kids and good for parents. We do dance classes, yoga and pilates, get baby First Aid and a baby dietitian in, do art, go to parks and playgrounds, visit museums and Questacon. I particularly like getting families back out into the world, early parenting can get you into a bit of a holding pattern, so I wanted new experiences for our members.

Have friendships been developed over the year and a safe place established for diverse parents?

Absolutely! It makes me so happy to see people swapping numbers or hear about a catch-up they organised. When people tell me that they had given up on parent groups because they were Queerphobic, or that Seahorse means they can just focus on being a parent and not explaining themselves, it brings me so much joy. We have 78 families registered with us now, so I think that speaks to the safe and welcoming space we’ve created.

Which outing has been the most fun?

I personally love Questacon! Everyone running around, shoving over rockets made of blocks, and watching the lightning generator. It’s a good time!

If you could advise any other playgroups already established or getting started what would you suggest?

Try to avoid overcommitting. I have tried to scale this project to align with the energy I have now I’m a parent, and get support from the families coming as much as I can. Try to get funding if you can, RF can help you there! And if you worry about numbers, or engagement, or if people are having a good time like I do, just remember that what you’re providing is connection and support for Queer families, that's the actual work, everything else is peripheral.

The significance of that connection and support can’t be overstated.
- Frankie. @seahorseplaygroup