Meet Matt and Thang and their little family. Their two children were born via surrogacy in Canada. We are also lucky to have Matt as a Rainbow Families Board Director, helping us move forward as we expand across Australia. We spoke with Matt to learn more about his and Thang's family-building journey and to inspire others who are considering starting a family of their own.

Q: Tell us about your involvement with Rainbow Families and the Rainbow Families community. Are there any initiatives or projects that you're particularly proud of?

So, the obvious one is that I’m on the board of Rainbow Families Australia. I focus a lot on risk management and governance, but I’m really interested in all the different pieces of work that we do. I get involved in some of the comms work as well.

What excites me most is the potential for scaling this organisation and exploring funding opportunities that are out there. I feel like there’s such great work the team has done in New South Wales and also some really solid contributions from other groups across Australia. But I think there’s room to draw all this work together more cohesively and scale it up. That’s something I’m really passionate about.

On a personal level, I’ve got a four-year-old and an 11-month-old, so being part of the Rainbow Families community here in Victoria is really meaningful. I love attending the Rainbow Dads Victoria group. I’m not a formal organiser or anything, but they hold lots of great events and do a huge amount of work. My family and I have made some wonderful friends through that group. I’m especially grateful to Murray and the others who help run it—what they do to bring people together is really special.

I’ve also been to some of the rainbow playgroups here in Victoria. There are quite a few of them, and I’ve attended at different times along with other members of my family. It’s such a great way for families like ours to connect and build community.

Q: Can you tell us how you decided to start a family and the journey you took to get there, including the method, if you’re comfortable sharing?

My partner Thang and I always wanted to have children. Early on in our relationship, we talked about wanting a family, but we didn’t do anything about it for quite a long time.

Eventually, we got serious about it and started exploring all the options globally to see what was possible. Long story short, we ended up pursuing surrogacy in Canada—that’s how we now have a son and daughter.

Our daughter was born in June 2020, right in the middle of COVID. That added an entirely new layer of stress to the process. The borders were closing at the end of March, and we needed to be in Canada in May and June. On top of navigating the surrogacy process, we had to get special permission from the Australian Government to leave the country and permission to enter Canada. Coming back was a similar challenge, with permissions and restrictions in place.

Flights were also a major issue at the time. Flights were being cancelled, and eventually, there was only one direct flight a day from Australia to North America. If we’d missed that, we would’ve had to take multiple connecting flights, which would’ve been a logistical nightmare.

It was a stressful journey, but looking back now, we’re so grateful we went through it and that we’ve been able to create the family we always wanted.

We’ve been lucky throughout the process to have met some wonderful people. For example, we’ve gotten to know our egg donor, who has been amazing. We also spent time with our surrogate, who has now helped us twice—she’s been an incredible part of our journey.

We’ve taken the opportunity to connect with not just our surrogate but also our egg donor and her family, including her extended family. It was really special to meet them all in person. It’s felt like building a village of support and connection around our family, which is something we’re thrilled about.

Q: Were there any unexpected costs or financial challenges when starting your family?

I mean, it’s an expensive process, full stop—it just is. That’s something you kind of know going into it, but there were still some unexpected costs along the way.

For example, with our second child, it took three embryo transfers for our surrogate to become pregnant. While the clinic costs were arranged in a way that didn’t increase for additional transfers, there were still significant expenses involved. Our surrogate lived on the other side of Canada from the clinic, so she had to travel across the country for each transfer, and that ended up costing about $5,000 each time.

So, in that sense, it was both expected and unexpected. You know there’s always a possibility it might take more than one attempt, but you can’t really predict how many it’ll take, so it’s hard to budget for those scenarios.

Q: What has been the best part of becoming a parent, and how has it changed your life and perspective?

I think the best part has been just watching and observing all the little ages, stages, and phases they go through—the constant changes and evolution. With my four-year-old, I’ve been able to see that over a longer period of time, but even with my 11-month-old, it’s amazing. He’s just started crawling now, and he can sit up on his own. It wasn’t that long ago that he could only lie on his back and wiggle around.

Watching them develop, grow, and learn is incredible. Seeing them discover new things and understand more about the world. My four-year-old especially—she asks so many questions. It’s amazing to see how their curiosity and understanding evolve.

I think becoming a parent really broadens how you see the world. You realise there’s so much more to life than just yourself. Your priorities shift, and your focus becomes about their well-being. There’s a sense of purpose that’s bigger than anything I’ve experienced before.

Q: If you could go back and do anything differently in your family-building journey, what would you do and why?

I don’t know if there’s much I’d do differently, to be honest. That said, it would have been lovely to have been able to go through the process in Australia. Being closer to the person who’s carrying your child would help you feel more connected to the experience.

When your child is growing inside someone on the other side of the world, it can feel a bit surreal at times. We were able to dial in for many of the appointments, which was great, but it’s not the same as being there in person.

I’d love to see surrogacy become more accessible in Australia. Advocacy around Medicare rebates and addressing the costs involved is so important. The legal framework here is also quite a patchwork—it varies so much across different states. 

Surrogacy in Australia is still expensive, but it’s not to the same extent as in places like Canada or elsewhere. Making the process more streamlined and affordable here would be a huge step forward for families like ours.

Q: Your children aren’t old enough to understand yet, but when they are, will you feel comfortable explaining the family-building process to them? How much information will you share about how they were born and their family overseas? 

Yeah, definitely. That’s why it was important to us—everyone’s different—but it was important for us to have a known egg donor. You can have an egg donor that you don’t know and can’t contact, but for us, it was important to have that connection.

We’ve made a big effort to build relationships with both our egg donor and our surrogate, and those relationships are really strong. For Daisy, our four-year-old, we made a book that we gave her for her first birthday. It tells the story of her journey, from the beginning to the end, with lots of pictures of all the different people involved. It explains everything in simple language so she can start to understand.

We read it to her often, and we call it her book. We are also creating one for our son at the moment for his first birthday.

For us, it’s important to share that story with our kids so they can know and understand where they come from and feel proud of it.

Q: What advice would you give other people in the LGBTQ+ community who are considering starting their own families? Any words of wisdom or encouragement?

I think if it’s something you really want to do, then you should make it happen. It’s not an easy process, and there are costs involved, which can make it challenging, but this opportunity is out there. It can be done.

I’d encourage people to start by doing their research. Google can be a great starting point, but you need to be careful about the information you find. The best way to learn is by talking to others who have been through the process. Hearing their experiences can help you navigate the journey.

There are trusted resources out there as well. For example, Rainbow Families offers a seminar (Making Rainbow Families seminar) on growing your family, which is really valuable. I’d definitely recommend looking into that.

My advice would be to start early, take your time, and ask lots of questions. Connect with others who have done it—find your local Rainbow Families group or similar networks, because you can learn so much from those conversations.

Finally, keep your expectations realistic. It’s not a quick process. From the time you start considering this path to having your baby, it’s going to take several years. You need to be prepared to play the long game – but it’s so worth it.