Meet Jay, Michael and Leonidas

Jay and Michael have been together for nearly 15 years and are both teachers in Melbourne – although Jay spent many years as an actor. Their journey to parenthood was built on love, a positive mindset and a strong desire for a family. From a chance meeting at a gig to welcoming their son Leonidas through altruistic surrogacy, they’ve navigated every twist and turn to fulfil their dream of being parents.

Q: Tell us a little about how you got together as a couple, and when you realised you wanted to start a family.

Michael (M): When we met, we were both coming out of opposite-sex relationships. I was just starting out as a teacher and still playing footy. Jay was a musician. We met at one of his gigs – I was wearing Collingwood gear, which caught his eye!

Jay (J): Even though I’m from Queensland, I’d made the switch to AFL and was a die-hard Collingwood supporter. When I saw Michael in the crowd wearing Collingwood merch, I noticed straight away. We started talking, going to games together, and before long, we were inseparable.

M: When the footy season ended, we realised we missed each other. That’s when it clicked – there was something more going on. We’d been each other’s shoulder to cry on and our connection just kept growing.

J: About six years in, we went on a holiday through Europe. One day in Venice, we were crossing a canal and saw this little ring shop. I saw a ring that reminded me of one my mum used to wear. We tried them on just for fun, left the shop – but on the flight to Dubai, I regretted not buying it.

M: What Jay didn’t know was that I secretly contacted the shop, had the ring shipped to Melbourne, and started planning a proposal. I proposed in Central Park, New York, right next to Bow Bridge. We had a musician playing our song, framed photos in the garden, and a videographer to capture it all. Jay had no idea!

Q: When did you first talk seriously about becoming parents?

M: We always knew we wanted kids. I grew up in a close-knit family and being a dad was something I always felt drawn to. We had so much love to give. We started talking about surrogacy about ten years ago, but it wasn’t the right time yet. Finances, logistics – we didn’t even know what path to take. We looked into adoption, altruistic surrogacy, even international options.

We didn’t have many gay friends back then, so we were figuring it out on our own. Eventually, we joined some Facebook groups and surrogacy networks. That’s where we saw a post by Kim.

Kim had posted about wanting to set her own boundaries as a surrogate. Michael responded to say he thought that was absolutely fine – and that kicked off a private chat. That chat continued daily for two years. We built a friendship first. It was never transactional.

J: She later sent a care package to Michael’s sister with a book saying she wanted to offer her uterus to help us become dads. It was such a beautiful gesture. Finding a surrogate felt like the hardest part – but suddenly, it was happening.

Q: How did you find your egg donor?

M: We had some early possibilities fall through, but then Jay’s goddaughter – who’s also his niece – came forward. She was 23, studying medicine, and said, “I don’t want to be a mum for a long time. I’d just be throwing these eggs away – I’d rather change your life.”

J: It was incredible. When we first started dreaming about this, we said how amazing it would be if someone from our families could be involved. And it actually happened – a biological connection from both our sides. We were so grateful.

Want to learn more or start your own journey? Join Growing Families at their Melbourne Conference July 26 -27, 2025 to connect with experts and community members, and get the best up-to-date information about starting or growing your family. 

Q: What was it like navigating the formal approval process in Victoria?

M: There’s a lot of red tape. We had to do five psychology sessions each, plus peer reviews and counselling for all involved – even Kim’s teenage children.

J: Some of the questions we were asked by the panel were almost impossible to answer. Like, “How will you parent?” And we were like, “Well, we haven’t met our child yet!”

M: A lot of the questions were things you can’t fully answer until you’ve met your child. But we did our best to be honest, and always came back to one thing: we’d figure it out together, with love.

J: We also chose to do extra medical testing to make sure it was safe for both Kim and Sadie. We wanted them to feel supported and protected the whole way through.

Q: What happened next?

M: Sadie flew down from Brisbane and had a successful egg collection – 21 eggs, and six high-quality embryos. Then we had to wait three months for them to be cleared for transfer.

J: COVID made everything harder. When Kim flew to Melbourne for the transfer, it was the first time we met in person. We found a loophole to get her across the border just as restrictions eased.

M: We always believed it was going to work. Kim was such a positive force – she kept us on track every day. She’d message, “What have we achieved today?” It helped keep momentum through all the uncertainty.

J: When she became pregnant, we were at every appointment. We flew to Adelaide, stayed with her, got to know her kids and family. We were in the room for the birth – it was magical.

M: Her children were even part of the decision. They told her they wanted us to be the dads. That meant so much.

Q: What would you say to someone thinking about starting this journey?

M: Do it. If you feel called to be a parent, trust that. Find support, stay open, and take it one step at a time.

J: Try to enjoy the process. There’ll be hurdles, but the mindset you bring makes all the difference. Stay positive – you’re creating something extraordinary. That energy matters.

M: You’re doing something that might feel impossible. So you need all the good energy you can bring to it. Keep moving forward.

Q: Are you hoping to grow your family further?

J: Leonidas has been asking for a sibling for a while now! So yes, we’re hoping to go again.

M: We’ve joined SASS and put the word out. The search hasn’t been successful yet, but we’re open and hopeful. We know how rare the right match is – with Kim, it was perfect timing and connection. So we’re trusting that process again.

Q: Is there anything else you’d like to share?

M: We’d love to hear from anyone who’s even thinking about becoming a surrogate. No obligation – just a conversation. We’ve got experience, love, and some embryos ready to go!

J: We’re forever grateful to Kim and Sadie. This journey changed our lives. And we’d love to help someone else experience that joy too.

M: Our journey started when we attended a Growing Families conference. That was the turning point. It gave us the information, the support, and the confidence to begin.

J: We’ve spoken at their events since, and taken Leonidas along too. It’s a great community. When you go to those events, you realise you’re not alone. There’s a whole world of people out there doing this, and that’s so reassuring.

M: It’s not something people are pushing you to do. You do it because it’s your dream. And meeting others who feel the same – it’s powerful.

Join Growing Families at their Melbourne Conference in 2025 to connect with experts and community members, and get the best up-to-date information about starting or growing your family. 

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