Daniel and Tyson are no strangers to parenthood, having already gone through surrogacy with their daughter, London, in 2021. Read about their first pregnancy adventure here. In 2024, they welcomed their next beautiful bub into the world, River. Tyson has also shared a fantastic resource to help other families navigate surrogacy in Australia. Find the Australian Surrogacy Process Chart here.
Congratulations on the birth of your second baby, River and can you tell us about your desire to start a family
Dan and I, always talked about having a family and having kids. We've been together for over 15 years, so it's been on the cards for us for a long time, but earlier in our relationship, when we looked into it, it all seemed out of reach, both on the legalities of surrogacy as well as the costs. But then, in 2018 we said, Okay, we're actually going to really start pursuing this. I'm a very optimistic person, so I was like, we're going to do this! We're going to find a surrogate, we're going to have our kids. Dan was trying to be as optimistic as he could, but he's a little bit more reserved than I am. We're overjoyed the way it's turned out and the way we've formed our family, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
It must be an exciting time with London now being a big sister. Can you tell me about the transition from your first child to your second?
It's been a really wonderful transition, though of course with its challenges as well. Our daughter London is completely obsessed with her little brother River - she's constantly wanting to help, whether it's getting his dummy, helping with his bottle, or even trying to hold him. She's very protective and loving towards him. London will run over if he's crying, saying "I'm here, I'm here, I'm here." She'll get his dummy and help get the bottle ready. Whenever we go to change him, London comes along too, getting the nappy out and the wipes ready. She'd do even more if we let her, but she's not quite big enough yet to be picking him up. She just adores him, at the same time, that love and excitement can be a bit much for little River. So it's been a balance of London's excitement and our need to make sure River has his space.
I can imagine the age gap of about 3-years between London and River has helped with that adjustment?
The 3-year age gap has definitely been beneficial. London had her 3rd birthday shortly after River was born, so we've been able to make sure she still gets that special one-on-one time and celebration. And at 3-years old, she's mature enough to have a better understanding of the baby's needs, rather than just being solely focused on herself. Of course, there have still been some moments where she has been a bit more demanding of attention, or thrown some extra tantrums when she can't get exactly what she wants right away because we can't just stop feeding the baby to do what she wants. But those instances haven't been too common - she's mostly just in love with her little brother, wanting to help and be involved.
It sounds like you and Dan have done a great job balancing the needs of both your little ones. What are some of the other differences you've noticed going from one child to two?
One of the biggest differences is that we're just generally more relaxed this time around. With our first, London, we were constantly double-checking, making sure she was still breathing through the night, and hyper-vigilant about every little need. But now with River, we have a better understanding of infant care and their natural rhythms. The logistics of splitting our time and attention between the two kids can be challenging, but we've found a good balance. London has just started 3-year-old Kinder and also goes to childcare one day a week, which gives Dan and I a couple of days a week where it's just us and River, so we can have that dedicated one-on-one time with him. It's definitely busier, with the constant back and forth to try and share time between the kids, but we feel more confident in our abilities as parents this time around.
That makes a lot of sense. I'd love to hear more about your surrogacy journey and the support system you've had in place, especially with having a local surrogate.
Having our surrogate, Beth, be local has been an absolute win for us. We met her through one of the Facebook groups, ASC, the Australian Surrogacy Community and got to know her really well through the group.
She eventually offered to be our surrogate, and then carried both of our kids and lives just 10-15 minutes away, which was so convenient when she wasn't able to drive after the emergency C-section with River. Every morning, I would get up to take her kids to school, do the grocery runs, and make sure she was taken care of, then come back in the afternoon for pickup. Even though the timing was challenging with some nearby road works, being able to be there for her daily was so important for all of us. This was very hard on Beth who is a very independent woman but felt like she was in her own mini-lockdown being unable to leave the house Much at all. Now that Beth has recovered, we're still seeing her every couple of days to collect expressed milk for River. The ongoing relationship with her has been incredible. She's become an extension of our family - we call her "Auntie Beth" and her kids are like cousins to ours.
We see them regularly, whether it's Beth coming over for visits and cuddles, or us all getting together for dinner. I know that's not the case for everyone, as some surrogates prefer more distance. But for us, having that continuous connection has been so meaningful, not just for the surrogacy journey, but for the long-term. I think it's important for people to consider that when embarking on surrogacy - what does the relationship look like after the baby is born? Are you prepared to have this person be a part of your family's life going forward? We won't be pursuing any further surrogacy journeys, but it's definately not the end of our relationship either.
It seems like there's so many things to consider when making such a big decision, what if your relationship gets a bit strained with your surrogate while she's carrying?
And that's the thing, you've got to spend the time getting to know the surrogate, and being very open and honest about what your expectations are and what you are willing to or not willing to do, and being very upfront about that a lot of the time, because it's hard, very difficult, finding a surrogate. Some couples will say, yes, we'll do this, we'll do that, simply so that they can get it over the line for the surrogate to carry for them. If those expectations aren't necessarily met during the journey, that can put a real strain on that relationship. And that's not fair. It's not fair on the surrogate, and certainly not fair on the baby.
How can you help navigate those issues?
Spending a great deal of time getting to know each other and going over every little detail about the planned surrogacy journey is key. There are resources available that have a list of these topics to go over as a team. We spend months getting to know each other and going over the details of the potential surrogacy arrangement before we went to any fertility clinics together. You can also draw up a surrogacy agreement to make sure you're both on the same page, particularly about the big things, but they're not necessarily legally binding, even though they can be called a legal contract. It's never been tested in Australia, because it's not legal to do those contracts because it’s not a commercial arrangement. So it's more about having an agreement set forward to be very clear and transparent, as opposed to it necessarily needing to come into the legal system. So while it's not a contract per se, it's certainly important to make sure that you're very transparent and having the agreement's one way of doing that.
That continuous support and close relationship must have made a big difference, both for you and for Beth. What advice would you give to others who are considering surrogacy, especially for a second child?
The biggest piece of advice I would give is to really take the time to research and understand all of the options and implications of surrogacy, especially in the Australian context where the laws are quite complex. It's so important to have very open and transparent conversations with your potential surrogate about expectations - everything from medical costs to maternity wear budgets. It's also important to be prepared for the long, slow process - surrogacy in Australia is not something you can just decide to do one day and have a baby 9 months later. You need to make it a priority and be willing to put in the work. Another important thing is to have those difficult conversations upfront - things like what your stances are on abortion, or what would happen in the event of a relationship split. While you don't want to think those scenarios will happen, they have happened to others, and it's better to be prepared than to have those challenges arise during the heightened emotions of the journey.
So for other hopeful parents out there part of your message is, if you want it bad enough, you can make it happen?
Absolutely, yeah, anything you want, you can make happen if you work hard enough at it. I think it's about making it a priority, if you want it to happen, to make it a priority, you will make it happen. It's not something you can just think, Oh, that would be nice. Maybe we'll do that. You can't be wishy washy, you have to go all in.
Is advocating for surrogacy access in Australia something you're passionate about as well?
Absolutely, it's a cause that's very close to my heart. I've done a lot of talks and seminars, and I've even created a free surrogacy process chart to help guide people through the complexities of surrogacy in Australia. The laws and regulations here are quite prohibitive, both financially and logistically, compared to other countries. Daniel is also supporting others going through the process or wanting to start looking into surrogacy, mentoring and guiding intended parents. I'm really eager to continue advocating and supporting others who are navigating this path to parenthood. I'd love to get more involved with organisations like Rainbow Families to share my experiences and insights. I think it's so important to have that community support, and to be able to learn from others who have been through it.
