Meet Shannon Molloy: Rainbow Families’ Marketing Director and proud dad

Shannon shares the real and personal journey he and his husband Rob took to become parents. From a false start in Australia to navigating overseas surrogacy during a pandemic, Shannon reflects on the challenges, decisions, and support that helped bring their daughter Ava into the world.

Can you walk us through the journey you took to become parents?

The time between Rob and I deciding we’d definitely like to start a family to welcoming our little girl into the world was at least four years, so it took us a little while to get there.

There was a false start with an acquaintance at home in Australia that was pretty devastating, and then lots of meetings and consultations with overseas surrogacy agencies. It was all quite overwhelming and we had a serious case of information overload. We were so anxious about making the right choice.

Eventually, we enlisted a surrogacy centre in Hawaii. We got such a warm and supportive vibe from the founder Andrea that we felt many of others lacked. Plus, we figured it was a shorter trip from Sydney than the popular destinations like Los Angeles and beyond.

That turned out not to be the case!

What were some of the biggest challenges you faced in the process?

We were matched with our fantastic surrogate right as Covid took hold in the first part of 2020. Suddenly, all our plans were thrown into chaos. Should we continue? Should we back out? We’d been on a wait list for a year and finally, at long last, had found the special woman who would help us become parents, and I was worried if we put things on hold, it would be ages until we’d get the chance again. So, we pushed ahead.

Long story short, the first time we met our surrogate was at the final scan at the OBGYN’s clinic, a week or so before the birth. We needed permission to leave the country, permission to get into the US, and permission to get back to Australia. Ordinarily, new parents are on the ground in Hawaii for six weeks. We were there for three months. The Health Department was closed, the courts weren’t operating and getting everything sorted was challenging, to say the least. We then had to make Ava an Australian citizen as quickly as possible – a process that normally takes several months – to get home because the international border was closed to foreigners. We became very acquainted with the Australian consulate and extremely close with our local attorney Caprice!

No-one was travelling so flights very were limited, and subject to arrival and departure caps. Plus, there were no direct flights to Hawaii because tourism no longer existed. Sydney to LA, LA back to Honolulu. Insane.

There was a very, very hefty Covid premium on top of an already expensive process. All worth it in the end, but a reminder of how privileged we are to be in a position to manage.

How did you and your partner support each other throughout the process?

My default setting is ‘nervous’ but thankfully my husband Rob is a psychologist, incredibly patient and has worked with children in a healthcare setting. He was constantly reassuring and supportive. But for both of us, there were a couple of tough moments early on, given we were stuck on our own with a baby in a strange place where we didn’t know anyone. “We’re a team,” we’d remind each other. It was a way of hitting pause on whatever tension we felt and centring ourselves.

Did you receive support from family, friends, or the broader community?

While in Hawaii, the family who lived above our apartment were wonderful. They brought around bread and fresh eggs and checked in to see how we were going. They even babysat so we could go out for dinner! We also hired a lovely doula to help us ease into things when we left the hospital. Back at home, after escaping hotel quarantine and when Sydney’s long lockdown was over, we were spoiled with support by our family.

What’s been the biggest joy of parenting so far?

Watching Ava discover the world around her has been so beautiful. It’s like seeing things for the first time again. She’s a very curious and inquisitive little girl. She loves arts and crafts, animals, numbers and letters, and doesn’t have a shy bone in her body. She simply loves life. It’s so special to witness.

What’s been the most surprising part of parenthood for you?

How quickly time speeds by. Everyone warned me but I really didn’t get how true it would be. At the time of writing, Ava is four and is a proper little person. I love this age, but I also can’t believe she was once a little bundle of joy who fit in my arms. It feels like just yesterday!

What advice would you give to other LGBTQ+ people considering parenthood?

A few things. Obviously, make full use of everything offered by Rainbow Families. Seek out and talk to other families to ask their advice, as most will usually be thrilled to pay it forward and share what they discovered. And then, get the ball rolling. It can be a long process, no matter which avenue you choose, with a fair bit of waiting, so get on those waitlists as soon as you can and figure out the other bits and bobs later.

What needs to change in Australia to make parenting more accessible for LGBTQ+ families?

Legislative reform surrounding surrogacy is desperately needed. I’m very conscious of how privileged we are to have been in a position to afford overseas surrogacy – plus the Covid premium – and I’m acutely aware that many would-be families aren’t as lucky. There should be simpler avenues for intended parents here at home.

Are there any resources or communities that helped you on your journey?

I found the traditional parenting and baby books to be pretty overwhelming. The more I read, the more nervous I felt! In the end, Rob and I made our way through those terrifying first weeks by supporting each other and reminding ourselves that a lot of it comes down to common sense. Aside from that, we met some fantastic fellow gay dads via the Gay Dads NSW group on Facebook and shared war stories, tips and tricks, and words of encouragement.

If you could do anything differently, what would it be?

Make full use of Rainbow Families’ invaluable information resources! I only came across Rainbow Families late in the game. I did a neonatal course, which was so helpful, but there are so many other nuggets that would’ve made such a difference in those uncertain and confusing moments.

How do/will you approach conversations with your child about having same-sex parents?

We read lots of books about little people who have two dads, but we also read the standard books about kids with a mum and a dad to illustrate that families come in all shapes and sizes. Ava understands that she has a daddy and a papa, and that other kids have make-ups that are different in myriad wonderful ways. 

What’s your favourite LGBTQ+ themed children’s book (or books)?

Daddy, Papa and Me is one of our favourites, followed very closely by Love Makes a Family.