LARA’S STORY – RAINBOW FAMILIES

Q: Tell me a little about your journey to parenthood. How did you go about building your family?

A: I met my partner through the Sydney Women’s Baseball League. I’d just moved to Sydney around my 30th birthday, and joining baseball became my main way of connecting with the community. I went to Fair Day, met someone who played, and joined the league. I ended up playing for over 10 years.

About 18 years ago, my partner was allocated to my team, and that’s how we met and eventually got together. We were both clear from the start that we wanted to have a family.

At that time, not many of the women in the league had kids—now they’re breeding like rabbits. But for us, it was a conscious, shared goal. We decided to go down the IVF path. Helen, my partner, was very clear that it would just be the two of us in this process, so we didn’t want a known donor.

We found an incredible fertility specialist at Fertility First in Hurstville—she was so in tune with the needs of same-sex couples that we jokingly called her God. She just knew how to guide us through the system, hitting all the right steps to make the process smooth and inclusive. Her office had all this beautiful African fertility art hanging everywhere—it felt so welcoming, female energy, like a space made just for us.

Q: How did you choose your sperm donor, and what was the IVF experience like?

A: We chose an American sperm bank to create some emotional and legal distance from the donor. We picked someone who reminded us of Helen—he had a baseball photo and similar features. Helen’s blonde with blue eyes, and we hoped the baby might look like one of us. I used to joke that if I carried, the baby would’ve come out with a moustache and a unibrow.

Back in 2009, this was all new territory for us. None of our friends had gone through it. Helen was 41, and after the egg retrieval, she was devastated—only three eggs. The woman next to her had 18. Two of Helen’s eggs fertilised, and only one embryo made it to transfer.

We were cautiously hopeful. Just before Christmas, we were told there was a heartbeat. But weeks later, our obstetrician, using an outdated monitor, said there wasn’t.

Helen insisted she was still pregnant.

She took three tests, all positive. We booked a proper scan—and found out we were having identical twins. The single embryo had split naturally.

Q: What was the pregnancy, birth, and early days with the twins like?

A: From that moment on, it was a very anxious pregnancy. Knowing so early—and with it being high-risk—we had to monitor everything closely. There were concerns around twin-to-twin transfusion, where one baby could take more nutrients than the other. Helen had weekly scans because the twins weren’t growing as expected. At 31 weeks, they were delivered via emergency C-section.

Archie weighed just 1.1kg and Lui 1.7kg. Both had complications—Louie struggled with his lungs, and Archie needed extra support right away. They spent seven weeks in the NICU at RPA. The staff were mostly fantastic and respectful of us as two mums—though there was one moment where a nurse told me only “the mother” could touch the baby.

I said, “I am a mother,” and they quickly corrected course.

We had no family support nearby, so we built our own village. Close friends—our “aunties”—helped raise the boys alongside us. We spent thousands on childcare, but it was our chosen family who really helped carry us through.

Today, the boys are nearly 15. They’re happy, healthy, and thriving—and you’d never know how tough their start was.

It wasn’t easy, but it’s been absolutely worth it.

Q: Did you face any social challenges as a rainbow family?

A: We were really lucky to be in the Inner West, where people were open-minded. Most of the challenges we faced were around parenting twins rather than our family structure. Helen couldn’t join the hospital mums’ group easily—everyone else had one baby. Later, when I took parental leave, I tried joining parenting groups too, but it was tough managing two babies alone.

I barely got to talk to anyone between nappy changes and wrangling prams.

We didn’t realise Rainbow Families was just starting out, so we still felt a bit isolated. All our old friends didn’t have kids yet, and our social life changed overnight—from late nights at Mardi Gras and the like to early mornings with crying toddlers. We lost touch with some of that old community, but what we didn’t expect was how amazing school would be.

Primary school gave us a new tribe. From day one, we met other families who became lifelong friends. The boys were always proud and open about having two mums, and we never faced discrimination, which I know isn’t the case for everyone.

A lot of that came down to where we lived and the people we met. We were incredibly lucky.

Q: What advice would you give to others in the LGBTQ+ community thinking about starting a family?

A: We were really fortunate—our IVF journey worked on the first try, but I know that’s not the case for everyone. Some of our closest friends went through multiple heartbreaking rounds before success, or in some cases, no success at all.

My biggest advice? Be open. Sometimes the family that’s meant for you doesn’t arrive in the way you first imagined. I didn’t carry our children—Helen did—but it turned out I wouldn’t have been able to anyway. If we’d pushed for a second round or insisted on doing it a certain way, it might not have worked.

Family doesn’t always mean biology. It might be fostering, volunteering, or being a safe adult in a child’s life. We have a friend who fostered a baby and ended up adopting him—a rare and beautiful outcome. 

Connection also helps. We felt really isolated at first, but that changed when we got involved with Rainbow Families. The first event we went to, we didn’t know anyone, but the boys played cricket with the Sydney Sixers, and just being in that space made a difference.

I eventually started volunteering, which helped us build community and find our tribe.

It’s not always easy, but there are many paths to parenthood – and they’re all valid.

Q: What has being part of the Rainbow Families community meant to you and to your kids?

A: For a long time, we were really well-connected to other parents, but not necessarily within the queer community. I think I was searching for that connection, and once we found Rainbow Families, it all clicked. Suddenly we had this beautiful community of people who understood our experiences, and I knew I wanted to give back.

The boys really connected too. When they were about 10, they saw me in the Mardi Gras parade and immediately said, “We want to do that.” So the next year, we watched from the Rainbow Families viewing area. They lit up, you could see how proud they felt. They looked like little superheroes.

The year after that, they marched in the parade themselves, carrying the Rainbow Families banner at the SCG. It was the perfect introduction—big, but still safe and kid-friendly. Now, it’s just something they do. It’s part of their identity.

They were actually away during the parade this year and were disappointed to miss it. That says it all, really. They belong—and they know it.

Q: What was the most rewarding part of the whole journey for you?

A: Honestly, the pride in having created a family. Announcing the birth of my sons, something I never thought possible – was incredible. Growing up in Adelaide, I only knew of one lesbian couple with a child. It just didn’t feel like an option back then. My dad, being old-school Italian, flat-out told me I wasn't having kids. But living in Sydney, I could say, yes I am. Helen’s family in the UK were wonderfully supportive, she told them, and that was that.

The best part was that moment of realising: not only were they born, I was a mum. And then I got to learn how to be one.

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