This week we share Paul Hadfield-Jia's very special Family Story. We are also pleased to announce that Paul is one of our three new new incredible board members and we warmly welcome him to Rainbow Families all the way, from WA. Paul brings a wealth of experience and we look forward to having his expertise to help us move Rainbow Families forward in 2025.
Can you tell us how you decided to start a family and the journey you took to get there, including the method you used (IVF, adoption, surrogacy, etc.)?
I always knew that I wanted to be a parent. I remember being in my 30s, and I used to dream about being a parent, but at that time, being a gay dad seemed impossible. In 2018, I was introduced to a friend who had twins. I asked him about his journey, and he recommended that I connect with Growing Families and attend a seminar. That was how my journey started in 2018.
In your experience, does the LGBTQ+ community face unique challenges when starting a family?
Yes, the LGBTQIA+ community faces challenges when starting a family. The provisions through local surrogacy pathways do not support gay parents sufficiently, and should parents go through an international commercial surrogacy journey, the Australian government will not necessarily accept both the parents as the legal parents. This causes all sorts of issues, such as a parent having no legal right to make decisions regarding medical care, or the complications in applying for new and renewal passports. On top of this, we have the added challenge in WA where there is no provision for men to have children. This clearly violates our Australian surrogacy laws. The government is very aware of this but has not resolved this to date.
What were the major hurdles you encountered in your journey to parenthood, and how did you overcome them?
Our daughter was born during COVID and Australian border lockdowns. My partner, not being recognised as having any connection to our child by the government, was not allowed to travel for the birth to the USA. My initial applications to leave the country were rejected, and Growing Families assisted in getting me approval. I was diligent and was ready to return three weeks after the birth, but with the border closure, I was told that my flight would be cancelled. For weeks, I spent every night calling people, airlines, Australian politicians, the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade, doctors—anyone who would listen—in the attempt to get us home. The government was not interested. Again, Growing Families came to my rescue, and we were back in Australia within two months. We were one of the lucky families, and many people could not return to their home country.
See a short video here of Paul and baby Samantha on a near empty flight.
How did your family, friends, or community respond when you decided to start a family, and how did their support (or lack of it) impact your journey?
My family and friends were very supportive. Also, the people who helped with our journey—egg donor, surrogate, doctors, and all of their families—were very supportive in the USA during the challenges of the border lockdown. At the time, I was completely alone with a newborn, and these people became part of my extended family and remain so.
What resources, organisations, or communities were most helpful to you as you navigated the process of starting a family?
Growing Families and Sam Everingham were an incredible support, and I am eternally grateful to him. The Facebook social groups also helped. I joined Gay Dads WA around that time, and whenever I would post a question, someone was always willing to respond.
How many children do you have, and did they come to you through the same process or different methods?
I have two children—a three-year-old girl and a two-month-old son. They were both born through a surrogacy journey in the USA, with both the same egg donor and surrogate, but different genetic fathers.
Were there any unexpected costs or financial challenges to starting your family?
The costs via the USA are huge. But when you have that child, you will do everything for them, and the cost becomes less of a focus. When I returned to Australia with both children on American passports and visit visas, the process to get them into the system can be challenging. Medicare is not set up for this kind of issue.
What has been the best part of becoming a parent, and how has it changed your life and perspective?
I knew that I would love our children, but I didn't realise how strong that feeling of love would be. I also didn't realise how much love comes into your life from other people because of your children. It is truly wonderful.
Check out this short article by Paul sharing how he wrote letters/emails to his unborn daughter.
"I created an email address for our unborn daughter in 2021. I wanted her to know what was happening and how I was feeling during the time of her birth and as she continued to grow. I want her to be able to look back and understand what her dads were like and how much love they have for her. My emails continued throughout the pregnancy and the birth, through to the return back to Australia at a time when boarders were closed due to Covid. It was a miracle that I was able to return but through the network of loving and supportive people both in the USA and Australia, we made it through that challenging time. I am forever grateful."
If you could go back and do anything differently in your family-building journey, what would it be and why?
Even with all of the challenges, particularly with COVID, I would not change a thing. I believe that because we were so lucky to have amazing and loving people support us through our journey, that it could not have gone better. We feel so blessed.
What advice would you give to others in the LGBTQ+ community who are about to start their own families – what words of wisdom or encouragement would you share with them?
Being part of this community means that having a child is not so straightforward and can be a huge project. Just take one step at a time, and believe... it will happen.
If your children are old enough to understand, how do they feel about being part of a rainbow family? If comfortable, could you share their perspectives?
Our three-year-old attended the Perth Pride March this year. She had the best experience and now talks about the 'Gay Dads' all the time. I believe that she is proud, and we are proud of the wonderful family that we have.